Monday Meltdown

today was a really good day – but yesterday … not so much

i have always been a person who is able to function on very little sleep – during this pregnancy, i’ve averaged about 3-4 hours a night and am still able to get through the day if i don’t get a nap – i’d like to say i’m proud of that fact, but i really think it’s a curse – i mean, people need sleep – right?  anyway, since we’re in the home stretch of this pregnancy *fingers crossed*, the insomnia is getting worse and worse – which of course sucks because i REALLY need the sleep now – Sunday night, i didn’t get to sleep until almost 5am – it wouldn’t have been such an issue except that Sydney had her 2 year well check at 8:15am and i had an OB appointment at 9am – now, i know what you’re thinking – what kind of moron schedules appointments so close together??  well, that wasn’t the original plan – Sydney’s appointment was originally scheduled for Friday – but the office needed to change the appointment and that was the ONLY appointment they had for the next 2 weeks – and since Baby Hall #2 is due any day now, i took what i could get

i should have known that things weren’t going to go smoothly when Sydney was still asleep in her own bed at 7:30am – even on the nights she sleeps through the night in her own room, she still comes to our room around 6:30am – but that didn’t happen – at 7:40am, i found myself trying to get her dressed despite the fact that she was still asleep – i managed to get us out of the house fairly quickly and we pulled into the pedi’s office at 8:20am – i wasn’t too stressed because we were the first appointment of the day and we usually get in and out without a lot of fuss – plus my OB’s office is only 5 minutes away so i figured we still had time – that was until we ran into the nightmare that is computerization

apparently our pedi’s office is moving into the 21st century and computerizing everything – and of course the day we’re there is the day they decide to start – i’m sure that when we go back in a few months, all the kinks will be worked out and i’ll love it – but Monday?  not so much.  for starters, it took FOREVER for them to get us checked in – they had to scan my insurance card and drivers license, blah-blah-blah – 15 minutes later … once we finally got into an exam room we had to wait on the nurse who came in with a mini laptop and a helper – the helper being from the insurance company whose sole purpose was to hold the nurses hand as she tried to figure out the new system – now if i had been in charge, the process would have had them enter the current day’s patients the day before and then asked if there were any changes or updates – but instead, we got to answer all the questions one-by-one like we were new patients – then we had to wait while they figured out how to print it for the pediatrician – um, if you’re going to print it, what is the purpose of putting everything in the computer? sigh.  now, this whole time i’m stressing because i know we’re going to be late for my OB appointment – and because i’m such a genius, i left my phone in the car – so not only could i not call the OB’s office, i didn’t even know what time it was – i’m now so fat that i can no longer wear my watch    – finally the pedi came in and did the examination – Sydney was less than thrilled but we got through it fairly quickly – she was scheduled for 2 vaccinations, so we had to wait on the nurse to come in after the pedi left – O.M.G.  we waited for what seemed like hours – i have no idea how long it was but when she finally came in, you could tell that she was flustered and in a hurry – she apologized (as everyone else had) for taking so long and again blamed this new “everything has to be documented on the computer” system – they tested Sydney’s hemoglobin (which was normal) and gave her 2 shots and needless to say, she was PISSED!  she’s finally old enough to understand the concept of the doctor’s office and between being pricked on the toe and a shot in each leg, she was not a happy girl – that compounded with the longest pedi appointment in the world just started the downslide

when we got back to the car, it was 9:56am – greatness.  i immediately called my OB’s office and fortunately they were able to reschedule me – unfortunately, it wasn’t until later in the afternoon – so even though we were only 5 minutes from the OB’s office, we headed back home – by this point, i could feel the exhaustion setting in and i could tell Sydney was tired too – so i thought for sure we’d be able to lay down a take a nap – but i could also tell that she was hungry, so when we got home we ate first and then laid down to nurse – yeah, Sydney was all about the nursing but she was NOT ready for sleep – i let her watch a couple of episodes of Caillou (cause i’m a stellar mom like that) and then turned off the tv thinking we could go to sleep – not so much – she had totally missed her window and instead of being tired, she was hyped – all she wanted to do was climb up the step stool into the bed and then climb off the other side – then climb up the step stool into the bed and then climb off the other side – my mistake was letting her continue this pattern but i was too tired to actually make her stop – then i started to worry that she was really going to hurt herself because i was beyond tired and could barely keep my eyes open – so i finally told her she had to stop and that if she climbed the steps one more time, she’d have to play in the other room – well she wasn’t down with that plan which set off a tantrum which in turn set me off – i vaguely remember begging her to calm down and just do what Mommy asked before the tears started to well up in my eyes – i had no idea why i was crying – but she was crying and i was crying – she wanted to be comforted and i wanted to be comforted – so i called her over and we laid down in the bed to nurse again

5 minutes later, she announced she was finished and decided it was play time – she started playing and jumping on the bed – she was flinging herself all over the bed and all i could picture was her slamming her head on the wooden headboard – so of course i threatened to make her get down – but every time i told her to stop, she would lay down and say “i’m sleeping” and then 2 seconds later, she was up again – finally, i mustered up enough energy to follow through on my threats – i grabbed her and put her down on the floor – she got pissed, slammed the door shut and went to her room – i could hear her in her room reading so i thought i would at least be able to close my eyes for a few minutes – but about 2 minutes later she decided she didn’t want to be alone and came right back – “Mommy?” “yes baby?” “nurse?” – uhhhh, how about NO!!!  we had already nursed several times and i knew it wasn’t going to make her go to sleep – plus, when i get REALLY tired, i get touched out and i could feel that coming – so instead i told her to come and lay down next to me which seemed to work for a few minutes – then she proceeded to start rubbing and touching me – normally i love all that sweet, snuggly love but i was WAY beyond the warm fuzzy stage and just wanted to go to sleep – but my child had suddenly turned into an octopus and all i could feel was her hands all over me – on my face, in my hair, in my eyes, on my lips, on my arms – “OMG – will you stop touching me????”, i yelled – she didn’t say anything but i could tell it startled her – great.  now i’m really mom of the year – then i began to cry – how many meltdowns can i have in one day?

by then it was time to get ready to head back to the OB, so i dragged my ass out of bed and somehow got us both dressed and into the car – i played “the babies” (the most god-awful CD of kids singing nursery rhymes known to man) which seemed to calm Sydney down which in turn calmed me down – by the time we got to the OB’s office i was feeling less exhausted and more just really, really tired – and after recounting the day to my OB, i was feeling somewhat normal again and ready to take on the rest of the afternoon – we swung by Costco on the way home, hit up Happy Hour at Sonic and then headed back to the house for what would hopefully be a nap – no such luck.  but i was only on my own for about 30 minutes before Kelley came home and swooped in with his Super Dad cape – he and Sydney headed to the living room and i took a glorious 2 hour nap!

so there you have it – yet another mommy fail in my illustrious career as a mother – when i put Sydney to sleep last night, i still felt horribly guilty and i still apologized to her multiple times and told her how much i loved her – and once again, she just hugged and kissed me like i was the best mom ever – man, am i dreading the days when she can actually remember me being a bad mom – i have a felling those are the days that will be REALLY bad